Eighteen

Dear Blog,

So my mom and I were talking last night and I was asking her why, why? WHY?!?! Why do guys think that if they are buff and just tiny bit good looking that they are all that and a bag of chips. Yes maybe the guy is physically attractive but the attitude is such a turn off. They want to be all hot abs and ripped arms and yeah that is attractive a bit but I like beautiful smiles and a nice face. Isn't that what girls are looking for? My mom thinks that because guys are visual they want to put out a good image. With a new, sleek car I'll get the girl. Yes, maybe you will but is that even the right kind of girl? My mom dated a guy that she broke up with because they weren't on the same level spiritually. At first I couldn't get it though because he owned a yacht. YES! A yacht! Mhmm the girls that will treat you well will not fall for you because of your yacht or your $ 2,000 watch. My mom did compare this strange thing that guys do with with putting all their attractiveness in their muscles and their physique to how girls want to look as busty and leggy as possible. Which makes sense but I still don't get how the fit guy should win my heart? On the contrary, I don't know if I'd be able to look without judging at an obese person in that way but hey you don't know. Guys that are in shape= cool, Guys that are in shape and know it= not cool
What about a guy that is not the tall, dark and handsome guy but the guy who likes to make people laugh and is a little more awkward. GIRLS LOVE THAT!!! If you have trouble talking to girls, just ask something about us and we'll never stop talking. I'd rather have guys that are honest and funny then cocky and arrogant. ...aaah i'm just frustrated

I also was asking my mom why math is taking me so long. As I was doing this she was looking through all the papers on my desk. Yeah, well as she is doing this she finds Lesson 71 of my math sheets. It was half-finished.
Mom, "You said you finished!"
Me, "I did!"
Mom, "Then why is this half-done?"
Me, "I HAVE NO IDEA!!!" Well so we kept talking and she is cleaning up the papers on my desk she finds another sheet of paper that says Lesson 71. This Lesson 71 was finished. I was like oh that must be Caleb's lesson! (Caleb is my younger brother) hahahahaha... well we figured out that I had done Lesson 71 twice. No, that's not entirely true. I didn't finish Lesson 71 the second time. Oh well. It gave me a laugh. My mom has decided that the answer to why math is taking so long is this exact reason. yep... wow
Sometimes that's the only way I can take myself. I just go "Wow Chelsea, wow..."

Seventeen

Queridas Personas,

Well I've been sick for the last four days but it was the worst yesterday. I had a fever, headache, stomache and a horrible sore throat. Thankfully, I'm feeling much better today. Today I have a cold but that's ok. Sickness put me behind in homework but put me ahead in the office. I watched 19 episodes in today and yesterday alone. I know it's absolutely sickening behavior but I have an excuse! I was sick.

Our house is becoming an animal sanctuary. My siblings are doing all these experiments for their class about birds. Now we have so many birds in our yard it is unbelievable. We have two cardinals that are getting fat off of our feeders. There is a beautiful red male and a female that has the prettiest beak I've ever seen. Its beak is bright orange and has a song that makes me smile. I really love the birds. We also have little finches, robins, and doves but my favorite are the cardinals. The other day it was late at night and my mom and I saw a raccoon run past our back porch. We don't see raccoons very often so I think that all the old pieces of bread that we've been throwing out for the birds is attracting unwanted wildlife also. Speaking of unwanted wildlife.... we have bunnies running everywhere through our yard. Although they get annoying, they really are cute and definitely indicate that it's spring. My favorite little animal is this little chipmunk that lives in a whole right next to our back porch named Pat. Oh yeah we name our animals outside because we can't have pets... mhmm we're dorks. Between getting walnuts and putting them in his whole, he runs across our porch and we get to see him. Somehow he must have gotten hurt once because his tail is mangled. My favorite thing is when he stands at the window looking at us with his little cheeks full. Spring is definitely my favorite season. I love the snow but nothing beats the warm weather. Well I really have to finish homework even though I don't want to. What other choice do I have?

Sixteen

Dear whoever, whatever...

I never knew before that I was so quick to become emotional... You know sometimes you really just don't know yourself I guess. I'm so confused and mad at myself. Things will be better, in time.

So it's official, I am going to public school next year as a full time student for my senior year. Everyday it's becoming more and more clear that I will be going and it scares me. It's also excites me but I get so shy while I'm there that it's going to be hard to fit in I suspect.

I need to get to studying but I am so tired. It is definitely time for summer to start. My priorities are so out of wack and I just want time to think! ...gosh there just is not enough time anymore.

Much Love to All, Chelsea

Fifteen

Dear Blog Peoples!!!

I think I'm coming down with something. My whole body hurts and my throat is sore. grr.... I wish sickness did not exist. If it weren't for sickness I would be so behind in math. Every time I got sick I would put math to the side and just try to keep up with my other classes. Eventually when I would get back to math, it had been so long that I couldn't remember the concepts that I had learned. Now I'm so far behind that I have to take 2 years of math next year. Hopefully it won't be too much to take. No me gusto la matematicas....
Adios Muchachos

Fourteen

Dear Blog Readers,
So I might be finally catching up in homework. I had to quit some activities though to make that happen. I cried over it... I just wish there was more time to do everything. My schoolwork is the most important thing right now. It seems like I can't do anything right now because my life is on hold until I can catch up in math. So I really do think I will be an official student at public high school this next year. It's a really weird concept...
wow... I'm pulling an all-nighter tonight to get homework done haha more later. I'm overwhelmed right now.

Thirteen

Dear Bloggies (hehe, that will never get old)
My favorite # is thirteen. Why? I think it probably is because it was the date I was born on but I'm not totally sure. I'm so behind on homework... It make me so sad. I'm still in pre-algebra and I'm a junior!!!! This is pathetic. Gaah.... I really am ready for summer. Finally we have a taste of it but I just want it now.
Mucho Love, Chelsea

Twelve

Hello People!
Know what really ticks me off?
Those does he love you quizzes! I mean come on. How from taking test can you figure out if a guy likes you or not? At the same time though as you're staring at that blinking ad on your computer the thought goes through your head. Does he like me? ah... stupid internet

Today I wrote a fan letter to Taylor Swift thanking her for introducing me to country music. I really believe that if it wasn't for her I would never have given country music much of a chance. Now I'm like country wahoo! Now don't get me wrong, I can't stand Willie Nelson or Allison Krauss or any of that kind of thing but the country pop stuff is good. Miranda Lambert has this song called Gunpowder and Lead and she's singing about shooting an abusive boyfriend. Gosh I just love that kind of country it's just soo wonderful haha. Miranda Lambert has so many great songs about buying beer and chasing ex-boyfriends, I totally love it. Absolutely not me and I guess that's why I love it. Although I do like a few Kanye West songs alot and that's not really like me either so haha idk. I always wonder if they'll write back when I write to celebrities. I actually had an author write back to me once. It was the coolest experience ever. We wrote back and forth for a while and I told her what I thought of her book and she bounced some ideas off me for her next book. It was darn cool. The authors name is Polly Shulman. That definitely made me like her haha.
Well I will talk to you later! Goodnight!

Eleven

Dear Blog Readers,

Fairy-tale day, definitely a success. I love theater kids. Seriously, I don't know if any other circle of friends I was ever able to be more myself than with them. Aah boas, tutus and beads. :) Good times.

My head is so full right now to the brink with everything going on....
So much hw, so little time...

Ten

Dear Blog,

Gawsh it's been a long day... I'm so tired. I really have no time to write but I don't want to feel like I'm neglecting haha. I've got to keep this a habit or I'll forget... Fairy Tale day?! tomorrow at CYT. haha so I think I'm going to be a fairy. This will be fun haha. More tomorrow... if I survive eek. Long day to come.

Nine

Poetry has to hit you otherwise it has no point. I can't stand having to write a poem because I'm told to. How can I even begin to create anything of meaning? Inspiration doesn't come through force. It's like a butterfly landing on a fence. It flies down when it wants to and leaves when it wants to. You can plant flowers that will draw the butterfly near but you can't force it to come. It's a process that only comes with time and patience. Real life brings inspiration. How can you be inspired by something that has never happened? I could write on murder, being pregnant or skydiving. Would they be inspired? How could they? I've never murdered anyone or been involved in anyway with murder. Someday I would like to have kids, but that's way down the road. Skydiving is on my to-do list but right now I have no time. I get so frustrated when I get handed a poetry assignment. It's so constraining.

Today I'm quiet, and at a loss for words. My feet drag painfully across the floor. I'm not necessarily sure what's wrong. Reality just hits you sometimes. I couldn't live forever in my dreams but I wish I could. Wanting, waiting, hoping but not doing anything. I know I should act but I don't know how. So here I keep on writing and wishing. My head is heavy and hands drag along the keyboard. I have somewhat of an idea of what is wrong but I'm not totally sure what. What would be amazing is to talk to somebody and get it all out. I feel like everytime I start to talk to somebody though, I end up comforting them. Sometimes I'm too quick to share and othertimes I'm not quick enough. This lady at work here got all mad at me because I didn't put her cappucino in a mug. I felt bad but she was so hung up on it that I got really frustrated. I'm not a mind reader. I really, quite desperately need a friend. I'm sending out my thoughts into cyberspace because I need to get them down. why... oh dear this is quite pathetic and sad. Depression relapse or pms or quite likely a bad day? mhmm that's it.

Eight

Dear Bloggies (hehe),

So I keep feeling like I should think about my future. I have friend that are taking ACT and SAT tests right now. So far I have done absolutely nothing to prepare for my future. I don't have any idea where I'm going for college. I have no idea what I want to do. You would think that I'd be freaking out about now. Something inside of me should be getting anxious and nervous about the future. Unfortunately, I couldn't care! I really wish that I could but I can't make myself get nervous. Grr.... Prayer is what I need.

Love, Chelsea

Seven

Wavering and bumbling
How can I help from stumbling
Somebody save me
I'm lost and I'm senseless
Why?
Beceause I feel helpless

Not used to this feeling
I let it take over
How do I remind my body
That I am its owner?

I know it won't happen
and yet i keep wishing
Every frog that comes by
I end up kissing

Nothing wrong with this folly
But it makes me feel weak
How can I act so
When the future remains bleak

~Chelsea

Six

OMG!!! I MISSED A DAY!

haha I already broke my promise to write every day! Mmm I don't even know write.
Well let's see...
Pizza is eaten way too much. Have you noticed that? It feels like every informal gathering ever, has to include pizza. Why can't people just make something else for a change. I believe I had pizza 3 times last week. It was horrible. I'm beginning to think I may no longer like pizza! AAAH! What kind of thought is that? How can you no longer like pizza? I will hold out hope but I'm afraid that I really may not like it anymore.... God forbid!!!

Five

Dear Anyone that will Listen,

At 12:01 tonight I turn 17 and will be sweet sixteen no longer. I don't think I've enjoyed any other year more. I'm excited for my birthday but part of me just wants this to go on forever. It's such a perfect time in my life.... I may say the same thing next year but I guess I just hate to think that I'm getting older and moving on. Change is just hard on me I suppose.

Today was an interesting Seussical rehearsal. All the leads, wickershams, and bird girls talked up a storm while the director was trying to talk. I know I'm guilty of this too but it was getting annoying because after trying to get everyone to be quiet and adleast whisper and try to put some sort of attention to the director, nothing changed at all. I was going to go out of my mind but oh well. You can't make people change.

Good night People!

Four

Dear Blog, (hehe)(I don't think I will ever be able to cease from giggling at that!)

For my poetry homework this week I had to write a poem with three stanzas made with any foot of poetry. It also had to have a refrain at the end of each stanza. I am definitely not a poet. It took me three hours to accomplish this task. Aaah well here it is. Adleast I have something to show for all that hard work.

Fancy

By Chelsea

Poets live with fancy dreams

Change all their realities

Life becomes a beam of light

Should we dwell on what we write?

Given thoughts that spark and peak

Stories join our merry shriek

Elves and ogres, fae and sprite

Should we dwell on what we write?

Far and gone with wings we fly

Beyond the problems that to us try

Love of whimsy though not wise

Let us dwell on what we write

Three

Walking down the halls without a familiar face in sight, I feel so incredibly lost and lonely
I really want to be able to enjoy going to "real school" but I feel so empty while I'm there. When I was younger I was always so shy and quiet but over the years I've gotten so much better. Getting involved with theater really helped me break out of the shell that was holding me back. I walk into school though and I shrink all over again...

My birthday is this Sunday!!! Yee! I'm so excited! Because I got a laptop for an early birthday present, I really don't think I'm getting anything on Sunday. I'm still excited. It's always fun to have people fawn over you for a day. I told my mom that after getting the laptop I feel too guilty to ask for anything else. I asked for a donation to charity in my name haha. I don't know if that will happen. Aah back to school work. I'm so behind.
Adios Muchachos

Two

Dear Blog Readers (if any),

Why does it seem to happen that I randomly have a night every month or two where I can't sleep at all? It's not a fun thing to experience. Although it gives me some good time to think and reflect upon my life and what's going on right now, I really would much rather be sleeping.
Lately, I've been watching alot of video clips of Kelly Ripa on youtube. I love her! She is just so funny. If I could be a little bit of Kelly Ripa, and Ellen Degeneres, I would be a talk-show host. Or I could be Chelsea? Ellen Degeneres is funnier than Chelsea though. hmm...
Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis has been stuck in my head all night. She has a beautiful voice. Maybe I'll try to sleep again. Mucho Amor,
Chelsea

One

Dear Blog,

hehe

Can I say that? It's so awkward writing the first post. How do you begin to talk about what you're saying. I think everyone just should always skip to the second post in a blog because the first post is just, "Well hi! I'm Chelsea and yeah." BORING! Oh well.
So I guess I should share a little about myself. If you know me well just skip ahead to the next post.
I'm 16 years old right now but in 4 days I will be 17! I'm a junior in high school and home-schooled. I love musical theater, music in general, making coffee, and children. Would you like to know more??? Keep reading... I hope to post everyday. Writing has always been a way for me to get out all the pent up feelings I have when I have nobody to talk to. Being home-schooled, I don't normally have anyone to talk to during the day. Well unless I'm on facebook but haha i really shouldn't be there while I'm supposed to be doing homework. It's so hard though. Especially when you have A.D.H.D. I guess that's something you should know. It explains the rambles. Well it's 12:25 and I'm really tired so I'll post more tomorrow.
Love, Chelsea