Thirty-One

Have you ever tried to tell your real life story. Truly, I think that Little House on the Prairie must have been a joke. How on earth did she remember all her life in all that detail? Okay wait back up.
So I had nothing to do in study hall today. An utter waste of time. Another one of those reasons that I hate Larkin. So I decided to get started on my book. I'm just focusing on one little aspect of the last year. At first I tried to write everything down in chronological order but then I would write something down and realized that I missed stuff or I should have put it in earlier. Or I couldn't figure out where on earth it went. When did this happen in relation to that? I just was so lost. How can something that has happened so recently be so hard to recollect? Oh I think I'm losing my mind. I just want to put together the pieces. It makes me so worried that if I can't remember the last year of my life at only seventeen, what will I remember when I'm old and gray?

Thirty

I guess you would say I'm sentimental.
For the first time in a long time I spent a weekend crying over things that well are just kind of sappy.

List of things I cried about:

• How much I love my siblings.
  
• Corny love songs.
  
• God.
• Seussical

Friday was Shannon's birthday and so we read the family journal. It's kind of our habit to read the journal on birthdays because we want to think back on how cute and funny we all were when we were little. Halfway through reading a story about Shannon, I just burst into tears. My mom looked over and was like what's wrong. I was like I miss being home with you all every day. The funny thing was that the next paragraph in the journal was talking about how we had been reading the journal and I started crying. I was like omw this is deja vu.

I was a great weekend. I just have to go to bed. So much I would like to write about right now. An outline for my book feels like something that can't be achieved as of now but I won't give up!

Twenty-Nine

A prayer

Dear Lord, I just am kind of lost right now. I know that I haven't been serving you whole heartedly lately but you say that you're always going to be there for me. Am I asking too much? Lord, my mom thinks she's seeing why You threw me into these new situations. She sees a purpose. I'm trying to view it from that perspective but it's so hard. That old me that has such an easy time putting a bad spin on things is trying to make me believe that nothing good can come and make me preamturely drown in sorrows. I guess I haven't quite given You a chance to do something big with my life. Maybe I'm scared. Take away my fear. Give me a fire for You that won't let me be afraid. I love you Lord. In Jesus' prescious name, Amen.

p.s. If you could give me some help with getting my locker open, that would be amazing! I don't know what kind of idiots but the lock on backwards but yeah... I happen to be one of them.